It is important when interacting with the office narcissist, that you understand what you are expecting to get out of the contact. If you are looking for equality, credit, appreciation, or respect, you might as well forget about it. You are likely to devote undue resources into something that will never be realized. However, if you are in a position where you have little choice but to interact with a narcissist, you must first attempt understand the nature of their complex personality.

When things are going their way, they can often be described as enchanting, enigmatic, convincing, and influential. Complications appear when they think that they are being questioned or pressured. A narcissist commonly presents with persistent grandiosity. They must be constantly venerated and they have little to no feelings for the troubles or concerns of others. They have an inflated sense of pride. They exaggerate the importance of their accomplishments and abilities, and they require praise for what they deemto be exceptional individual qualities and achievements. Narcissists are often completely immersed in illusions of success, authority, intelligence, and attractiveness. They feel they are unique or special, and as such, they feel they only equally special individuals are capable of properly grasping and valuing them. Subsequently, they have demanding expectations of others. They think they deserve beneficial treatment and absolute obedience. Furthermore, they tend to use and manipulate relatives, acquaintances, and colleagues, misusing them to procure their own fancies. They are also commonly conceited and supercilious, certain that other people are, or ought to be, jealous of them.

While all narcissists do not exhibit every one of these features, they all display sufficient to make them hard to handle. Egocentric and arrogant, they can be damaging in the office. They take undue credit, shift responsibility, and strike out at anybody who jeopardizes their self-image. However, it is possible to somewhat successfully navigate this complicated individual. First of all, here are a few rules to keep in mind when you must interact with a narcissist, which will minimize the level of difficulty as well as your level of stress.

1. Require and anticipate little. Remember, they are likely to see you as one who is simply there to assist and acknowledge them, therefore, don’t expect your needs to be met. (We will discuss how to go about doing this a little later.)

2. Practice patience, tolerance, and focus. Patience will allow you to hang in there when you feel like dropping out. Tolerance will allow you to ignore their rude, selfish, and haughty ways. And focus will allow you to remember what your goals are in socializing with them.

3. Don’t let yourself become the target. Narcissists have little patience for annoyance or intrusion. Critiquing them can result in what is referred to as narcissistic rage, in which they defend against embarrassment by striking back at whoever caused the injury to ego, and these responses are often cruel and severe.

4. Don’t take their words or actions personally. They fail to see you as a fellow human being with needs and desires, but instead you are merely a tool for enhancing their self-image.

5. Try to have a little sympathy. Although they do a great job at acting as though they are exultant, in all actuality, a narcissist suffers immensely due to the fact that they require endless verification and praise in order to feel good about themselves.

6. If all else fails, smile and stay silent. While this may not earn you any points, it prevents the possibility of confrontation while keeping you in the picture, if your job requires you to be there.

Now, if there is something you want the narcissist to agree to or do, here are a few helpful guidelines that might make it easier to get what you need from them, without letting them know this.

1. Be precise in what you want.

2. Know what the narcissist wants.

3. Persuade them that they will derive something significant from doing what you want. The way to do this is to first determine whether their narcissism is primarily invested in beauty, intelligence, power, or independence. Then begin your request by finding a way to validate the narcissist in this particular area. Admire their appearance, intelligence, display of control, or adherence to principle, and make sure they have heard and accepted the compliment before proceeding with your request. Best of luck!