A professional career is no longer a passive or participative undertaking — it’s up to each individual to assess their talents, evaluate their strengths and weaknesses and target the various industries that might permit them to marry sometimes diverse interests. The days where personal hobbies and professional responsibilities were distinctly divergent are gone. Job applicants are becoming increasingly creative when it comes to combining recreational passions with professional pursuits.

Some say this is a very good trend, particularly to build job satisfaction and the frequently touted but not so frequently achieved work-life balance. For example, with twenty-plus percent of lawyers experiencing some form of depression about their careers or lives in general, and forty-four percent of lawyers who would not recommend their career choice to a young person starting out, according to the American Bar Association, it’s not surprising that, in the legal profession alone, nearly a quarter of hired associates are lost by law firms each year due to dissatisfaction or a desire to make a change. 

Doctors are also becoming increasingly disillusioned, as they spend more and more of their working hours buried in insurance paperwork and less doing the very work that drew them towards their careers in the first place. The accountant-based approach of focusing only on the bottom line has begun strangling creative professions, not just corporate, shareholder-driven ones.

On a positive note, taking an alternative route to applying your advanced education is being viewed as innovative, rather than being perceived as the only option for those who couldn’t cut it in traditional, competitive arenas. What you want to do is to identify the kind of position, company or field that will provide you with both potential job satisfaction and an opportunity to best exploit your many talents and interests, giving you an advantage over other applicants who may lack a demonstrated enthusiasm for a particular field.

With a growing number of job seekers taking creative approaches in a shrinking market, it’s critical that you be assertive — you cannot afford to wait for an opportunity to present itself to you from an outside source. You must start thinking now about what other options you might want or need to pursue and taking steps. It’s time to be more aggressive, to take greater risks in order to invest in a rewarding career long term.

So, what kind of hedging strategy can you implement in your career? First, you need to do a little homework, a self-assessment exercise. Start with pad and pencil, so to speak. And, resist the temptation to brush this off as, “Hey, I already know myself. This is a waste of my time.” Often the act of writing things down can be a conduit to self-discovery, as items trigger other items, thoughts, memories. It’s also helpful to see it all in black and white, right in front of you.   

Start by listing your:
*Strengths and Weaknesses. You may find it helpful to ask people you trust to make some constructive suggestions, as it’s often difficult to view yourself from a purely objective perspective. And someone else might interpret what you designate a potential weakness instead as a strength (or vice versa), and explain why.
*Passions and Pursuits. Perhaps you can meld one or more with your professional experience, such as combining your licenses as a lawyer and pilot to work as in-house counsel to an aviation company.
*Accomplishments. No matter how small, both personal and professional, list every one you can think of.
*Skills. Skills can range from technical/analytical to leadership, communication/writing, public speaking and presentation and beyond. Look back at the items you’ve detailed in the preceding areas and take a close look at the many skills you’ve learned along the way or may have brought to the table — write them all down here.
*Short-term Goals. Really consider in what direction you’d like to move within the next five years and how you intend to get there. Don’t limit these to professional goals; personal goals are important here, too, as it will help you balance time spent.
*Long-term Goals. This is the place to be expansive. Think of it as a wish list, albeit a relatively practical one. Where would you really like to steer your life and career? Again, extend this list to include personal goals.

Now, take a long, careful look at the lists you’ve constructed. What items fill you with the most pride? Which give you the greatest sense of satisfaction? Most important, which might give you a leg up in terms of a creative, alternative career? You may see yourself as entrepreneurial, perhaps as some sort of specialist that firms can benefit from but cannot afford to hire full-time and then subcontract your services to them.

Have you interests you haven’t yet pursued? If you can potentially apply them to your professional life, don’t wait any longer. Sign up for night courses at local universities or companies like the Learning Annex, which offer courses on myriad subjects, including online courses. Online studies, whether they’re university-accredited or recreational, are have gained legitimacy.

Can you afford to work pro bono for up to a year? Then propose an internship to a company instead of seeking an existing one. But make sure you choose it in an area where you lack experience. It may be tempting to veer toward something you know you can do in order to demonstrate that you can add value but the point of this exercise is to learn something new. If working for a non-profit is ultimately something you’d like to do, try volunteering in related programs, perhaps counseling troubled youths or using your DIY skills to build or renovate homes for the elderly or poor. There are plenty of programs available if you’re willing to donate your time. It’s also a good way to expand your network.

If you can’t afford to give up your salary or if you’re still in school, consider pro bono work on the side such as volunteering at an agency offering mortgage and foreclosure counseling if banking or financial law is your goal.

Consider writing, if that is one of your skill sets, specifically articles for websites, blogs and mainstream journals appropriate to your background. Target those that are widely read, if possible, or specialize in your industry, whether its sports, law, financial, political, technical, etc. (If you haven’t taken any writing classes, take several before you do this. You don’t want to cut yourself off by the knees by not being professional. The Internet is full of badly written, poorly researched prose attempting to masquerade as authoritative.) You may even want to start your own blog. This will require you to post often, ideally weekly, and be able to make that time commitment without lapsing, in order to succeed.

Want to really set yourself apart? Authorship is the main step to being seen as an expert in a field. Identify areas that are of particular interest to you and start researching now. Self-publishing, no longer considered a vanity, is an excellent form of self-promotion and advancement, and many self-publishing firms offer editors and services that will make your book indistinguishable from those of mainstream publishers. Again, make sure you take some writing classes first if you haven’t already.

Don’t be rigid. Sometimes the path we envision forks toward a direction we’ve never considered. Don’t be too quick to close your eyes to the choice. Sometimes the most innocuous of alterations leads to life-changing happiness and career satisfaction.

If you’re just starting out, it can be hard to imagine negotiating a flexible schedule, particularly when you feel you need to pay your dues. The specter of student loan debt from both undergraduate and graduate programs hanging over your head like the Sword of Damocles doesn’t help either. Think, however, in terms of quality instead of quantity where your work product is concerned. Working around the clock, chronically exhausted, does not yield quality work. All work and no play really does make Jack a dull boy.

Much has been written about balancing work against life when you’ve chosen a demanding career. Some say it can be done; others claim it’s a myth. Still others point out that the concept of balance between the two itself is flawed because work represents a percentage of your life as a whole, and does not exist as a separate entity. Essentially, balance should be more correctly defined as determining all the demands on your person against your capacity to satisfy them, and making the necessary adjustments.

The reality is that each situation is different. Each corporate job has varying demands and each individual’s life has equally varying demands. Ultimately, it is up to the individual to define the priorities: what is important to them, what responsibilities they have to juggle, which ones they can relinquish, and what type of job they can and are willing to perform. There is no one size fits all solution. It is about identifying your priorities.

If wealth and prestige rank highly on your list, then you will be willing to commit to extensive hours spent at the office each year at an illustrious firm. If keeping a more conventional workweek slots higher on your list, then the type of job you select should reflect this. Those who value their personal time more heavily, often don’t mind having to watch their pennies more closely. It’s arguably less about finding balance and more about establishing acceptable tradeoffs. That said, it is still possible to climb up the corporate ladder without sacrificing your personal life altogether. And there are advantages to an employer who grants flexible schedules or time off.

Assuming that you already have a fairly good sense of what you’re juggling and have prioritized appropriately, it’s time to assess your actual work tasks. Does your work absolutely require your physical presence all the time at the office? If so, does it require a fixed schedule or simply a certain number of hours each week? If you have a particularly lengthy rush hour commute and can perform a portion of your tasks telecommuting from home, an argument may be made that working from home and traveling off-peak can actually afford you more time to work for your employer, not less. Can you negotiate a compressed schedule, say, working longer Monday through Thursday, and taking all or a portion of each Friday off? Or a combination of the two? Is job sharing a viable possibility? Would simply starting at a later time and working later into the evening suffice?

Find out whether other employees in your office have flexibility in their work schedules. If they don’t, do any of your co-workers seem receptive to the idea? A group is often in a stronger position to negotiate changes to company policy.

No matter how much your schedule will permit potential flexibility, the bottom line is that it is not about you. It is about your employer. As with any negotiations, you must be able to outline how the other party will benefit. Here are a few points to make when negotiating with an employer for increased flexibility:

*Flexible employers attract more outstanding employees on average;
*Instances of absenteeism and lateness drop considerably;
*Employees who are content aren’t looking to leave so retention is improved;
*The employer’s public image is a more favorable one;
*Employees can work at their peak performance hours around the clock; and
*Happy employees are more productive in tighter timeframes.

It’s important to remember that flexibility works both ways. Be willing to pitch in during an emergency or cover when a co-worker is absent, when possible. Again, it’s about getting the job done the same as if you were in the office. Establish communication structure and policies concerning attending meetings during your scheduled time away from the office. You want to create a sense of dependability so that the firm doesn’t think time working from home is time spent not working.

When negotiating for a more flexible work setup, it is best to outline your reasons in writing for your employer. They should include:

*Precisely what flexibility/schedule you are seeking;
*How this flexibility will benefit your employer (see above);
*How you will manage to accomplish all your work and meet target goals;
*How you will maintain all necessary communication with clients, management and co-workers, including attending meetings, either in person or electronically;
*If telecommuting, what your home office equipment will consist of; and
*A proposed schedule for your boss to periodically review your continued effectiveness under the new schedule — a trial period is an excellent suggestion, and you must be willing to relinquish your schedule if you fail to hold up your end of the bargain.

Perhaps your dilemma is not in needing a regular flexible schedule but just an occasional personal day or a few hours. Despite the fact that you are willing to work extra hours to compensate, it can be difficult to muster up the nerve to request personal time. That’s because we are afraid we will be seen as unwilling to work. But most of us aren’t unwilling to work. In fact, we’re anxious to be seen as willing workers. So remember, if you’re willing to put in the hours to offset your absence, this is not an unreasonable request.

Consider stacking the deck in your favor by subtly impressing your employer with your devotion to family or hobbies in order to make them more receptive to your occasional requests. Possibilities include:

*Generously sprinkling your work area with photographs of your family, or those of you enjoying your favorite pastime (e.g., rock climbing, hiking, cycling or photos, if photography is your passion);
*Inviting your family to visit your workplace periodically and introducing them to your boss;
*Sharing occasional anecdotes, when appropriate, of family activities and vacations and how much the bonding means to you;
*Ensuring your spouse/partner is present at all office functions that are extended to guests;
*Inviting your boss to join you in your favorite activity or charitable endeavor; and
*Displaying any citations for charity or pro bono work that you do that might reflect well on your firm.

Depending on your work environment, it may be prudent to avoid detailing the reason why you want the time off, such as to attend your daughter’s softball game. The reason you want the time off should not be a factor in whether or not it is granted. It is not up to your employer to decide if something is important enough to grant you flexibility but simply if it can be. Try not to let your employer put you in the position of defending the “why” of your request but, instead, focus on how you will compensate for the hours of absence and get the required work done.

If you focus on how you will achieve your targets and meet your responsibilities instead of the fact that you’re asking for time away from the office, and your absence doesn’t cause a legitimate hardship for your boss and/or co-workers, the odds are very much in your favor that you’ll negotiate successfully for what you want.

Work environments break down into two types of groups, formal and informal. Formal groups are clearly defined, whether by team or organizational chart structure, with established levels of leadership and support. Informal groups are more elusive, yet, they can have a significant impact on how productive and effective an organization operates. Often, it’s far easier for you, the new employee to impress the boss than it is to impress co-workers, particularly if you are perceived as upsetting the applecart.

Remember the 1988 movie, “Big,” starring Tom Hanks? Well, that was a humorous, insightful glimpse into how formal and informal groups exist within an organization. Tom Hanks’s character, Josh Baskin, gets a data entry job, working in a sea of cubicle-bound data entry clerks (an informal group in this environment), including cubicle neighbor, Scotty, played by Jon Lovitz. As Josh, with the typical teenage boy’s enthusiasm for computers, starts powering through his tasks at dizzying speed, Scotty, dismayed, hisses at him to slow down, warning him that he’ll make everyone else look bad, thereby exerting the threat of non-acceptance by the group. While Josh’s industry and enthusiasm irritates co-workers, it impresses the boss sufficiently to leapfrog him at an unprecedented rate into executive level. As a vice president, he leaves the data entry informal group behind only to find himself bumping up hard against the informal group of upper executives, completely alienated. They resist him because he hasn’t worked his way up through the ranks as they have, and they are thrown off balance by this outsider who has suddenly raised the bar by dazzling the chairman without making any effort to adhere to the power structure of the informal group. Josh has inconceivably launched himself to the upper hierarchy but has no support system, no peer groups, to work alongside. He is vulnerable.

Informal groups can either be your best friend or your worst enemy. Often, a new employee must execute some rather tricky dance steps between impressing his new employer and cultivating the clique, particularly its leadership. Acceptance ranks virtually at the top of the list when evaluating job satisfaction. People want to be liked, to be accepted, to feel that they’re part of the organization on a social level as well as a professional one.

When a new person enters the organization, they unwittingly upset the balance and the equilibrium must find a way to re-establish itself. But, while everyone else in the group knows their role and needs only to get acquainted with the single new person, that new person must learn every person’s role in both the formal and informal groups. It can be daunting. While you’re trying to find your way, they’ll be testing you to see if you’re easygoing and fun to work with, as well as competent, or if you’re a loner instead of a team player.

Informal groups, when working in a positive manner, enhance efficiency and make the members feel a vital part of things, not just one individual in an entire square block of desks, a drone as it were. Being part of an informal group is empowering. Everyone in the group has an established role and it’s instinctive for a group member to be a bit territorial if they feel you are treading on their toes or encroaching on their turf.

Overt aggression is typically forbidden in professional settings so employees often resort to passive-aggressive behavior as the new person seeks to find their place in the scheme of things. “I’ll show you the ropes,” can be well meaning or it can be someone’s way of saying, “This is how WE do it, and it’s how you’ll do it if you want to fit in here.” It can be awkward if your boss asks you to take on a task and you’re met with, “Don’t worry yourself about this. I always take care of it.” In other words, hands off.

Learning to identify these groups and cultivate the relationships they present are critical to surviving in an office environment. Here are several tips to make the transition easier:

*Absorb and analyze your surroundings—observe how others interact, the hours they work, their habits, their ways of communicating, how they dress. All these will clue you in to best assimilating into the team.
*Listen more than you speak—avoid discussing at length how you did things at previous jobs, as your co-workers (and bosses) can interpret this as you asserting that your way is the superior way.
*Ask more questions and express less opinions—don’t be too quick to discount the experience of your co-workers who are part of the well-oiled machine. Ask them for advice, and show a willingness to hear what they have to say. If you “diss” a colleague with years under their belt, they may even withhold helpful information that might cause you difficulties down the road.
*Work hard, but not too hard. It’s important when starting out to demonstrate your competence through diligence. Contribute where you can, and be helpful to co-workers without being too helpful. You don’t want to be seen as trying too hard; neither do you want to be perceived as trying to outshine everyone. No one likes a suck-up. Be a valuable part of the team, not a soloist.

There’s no guaranteed way to avoid friction when you’re the “newbie,” however, it’s helpful to remember that any disturbance is caused not by you but simply the circumstance; that the previous balance of the workplace has been inevitably tilted slightly by the arrival of someone—anyone—new. Remembering this can take the sting out of any resistance you may feel at first.

Proceed thoughtfully and you’ll soon know who your new allies are and where you fit in. If you’re still not sure, remember those wise words of Ralph Waldo Emerson: “When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.”

Busy professionals may be wondering whether this is really necessary. After all, they’re already spending time blogging, commenting and interacting on social media sites, all of which takes up precious time. But consider this: Nothing communicates authority like being published in print. The Internet is a powerful tool for self-publishing, and it has changed the way offline media works. But when you see an article in print, there’s an implicit guarantee that at least one editor has read through the article and approved its content. That’s not true on every part of the Internet. It’s no coincidence that “author” and “authority” share a Latin root word — authorship truly does have the power to control and change public opinion.

Getting Published

Fortunately, there are numerous opportunities to be published, even if you’ve never written professionally. A good place to start is in trade publications — the newspapers and magazines that serve your professional community. These publications, published both online and offline, are generally run on a small budget and delighted to hear from potential writers, because that’s one fewer slot for them to fill. Furthermore, you’ll automatically go in with a background that impresses them, just by being the kind of professional they serve. If you’ve been blogging long enough to build a reputation online, they will also appreciate having a professional with some established authority. And of course, a trade publication for your field reaches other people in your field — which is exactly who you want to reach when you’re trying to build a good reputation among those who might hire or promote you.

 If you have the expertise and confidence, consider writing for the mainstream press as well. Daily newspapers frequently take outside content for their op-ed pages — the place where you’ll see opinion columnists. Your “opinion” doesn’t have to be political, though it could be; you can also tie your expertise or a personal experience to a news event. For example, a security expert could write about what we’ve learned since a major man-made disaster. Certain sections of the paper may also be open to freelancers. If your expertise is appropriate for a mainstream magazine — women’s magazines may want to hear from gynecologists, for example — don’t hesitate to pitch yourself to those publications. And don’t forget online newsmagazines like the Huffington Post or AOL’s DailyFinance.

Finally, consider online article sites that aren’t connected to any publication. This includes sites like Examiner.com, which focus more on creating content that’s likely to be searched than creating a unified publication. These sites vary widely in quality, so your first step is to decide whether you want to associate your personal brand with them. For example, a site that does not appear to be copy edited is likely to hurt a writer’s personal brand by looking unprofessional. But if your goal is just to spread your personal brand, increase perceived authority and increase your blog’s SEO, an articles website can be another useful tool. In fact, a site that allows you to upload an article with few or no changes could be very useful for someone seeking to build SEO and search results quickly.

Most of these publications will pay; depending on the subject and the publication, some may even pay well. But money is not your primary goal in writing these articles — you’re trying to build your personal brand. By writing articles that reinforce your authority and your personal style within your field, you’re creating a reputation that says what you want your potential employers, clients and colleagues to hear. And that reputation can be the deciding factor when it’s time for a promotion, lateral move or other professional advancement.

Your Name

When your goal is to build a professional reputation, your personal brand should almost always be your given name. After all, that’s what you’ll be using in the work world. However, if you happen to have an extremely common name, or a name that also belongs to a famous person, it may be difficult to use online. Even if nobody would mistake Charles Manson the lawyer for Charles Manson the serial killer, his Web search results are certainly going to be diluted. If you’re in this position, you may want to adopt an appropriate nickname. For Charles Manson the lawyer, this could mean building a personal brand as Copyright Charlie.

Brand Consistency

Your personal brand should be just as consistent as any product’s brand. This reminds readers who they’re reading and gives you a chance to reinforce your personal brand through visual choices. To start with, use the same profile picture across social media sites, and make sure it allows readers to recognize you in person. If your blog has a distinct logo — and it should — consider repeating that logo or elements of it (like fonts or colors) on other sites. Perhaps most importantly, make sure that every social media site links to your blog and, when appropriate, to other social media sites.

Selecting Social Media Sites

It’s impossible to use every social media site, so you should pick the ones that are most used or most important in your field, and make sure to take full advantage of them. Start by making sure the profile page on each site reinforces your personal brand — by telling readers what you’re about and linking to your site.

LinkedIn is designed for professional use, so it’s a particularly strong choice for building your personal brand. On LinkedIn, take full advantage of the career-focused features by filling in your resume, with links, and seeking out recommendations. Join relevant groups and use the community where appropriate. Also, don’t forget the less common social networks that may be specially designed for your field. If you’re a photographer, for example, Flickr allows you to not only post a detailed portfolio, but participate in an entire photographer community.

If you’re currently using a social media site for purely social purposes, you may have to make some choices. Some of the posts that are routine in your social life could damage your professional life — such as references to heavy drinking or supporting marijuana legalization. Keep those worlds separate by removing non-PG content or using security features carefully. This is paramount. You may even choose to start separate accounts for your professional and personal lives. If you have any doubt, take a look at the Talent Check BASIC Executive Background Screening Model. There is nothing “basic” about the in-depth background investigations they perform for some of America’s top companies, including probing online data.

Using Social Media

To start with, link your blog posts to your social media sites and, when appropriate, the social media sites to one another. For example, you can often feed Twitter posts into Facebook. More people may read your blog, and you’ll definitely improve your blog’s SEO. Follow up by actually interacting with your connections, including sharing other people’s content when you find it worthwhile. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and your personal capital won’t be either. To get some value out of social media sites, you’ll need to be social there, so you can become part of a community. This gives people a reason to care what you post and follow your links. As with the blog, however, keep your social interactions reasonably light and professional. It’s good to show a human side, but avoid anything controversial or things you wouldn’t share at the office. Remember, your ultimate goal is to build a reputation that opens doors for your future — by impressing potential employers, customers and colleagues.

That’s why the relatively new concept of personal branding is a winning strategy for climbing the ladder in any field. To convince potential employers, clients and colleagues that you’re the person they want on their team, you need to “sell” yourself and your skill set. By applying some of the same “branding” principles used to sell sneakers and soft drinks, you can stand out from the competition and boost your chances of success, whether you’re an employee, a small business owner or an independent professional.

A personal brand is not just a logo — it’s the way that people think about you. Your goal is to build a reputation as a knowledgeable, competent professional who is an asset to those working with you. When it’s time to reach out to those connections for work or a job search, you’ll be reaching out to people who already know and respect you. When clients need a professional in your field, you’ll be able to trade on an established reputation or even draw them in on the strength of that reputation. And when you’re competing for a job, being known as a reliable expert may give you an edge over similar candidates — in fact, you may be approached by recruiters on the strength of your reputation.

How to Establish a Personal Brand Online

Before the Internet, it was usually possible to establish a personal brand only at the local or industry levels. But these days, the Internet allows you to reach virtually anyone who might be interested in your field of expertise — a powerful reputation-building tool. That means you can make connections with people in your field anytime, not just at a once-a-year conference, and reap industry-wide benefits.

Start by thinking carefully about what kind of reputation you want to build. You need to stand out, so it’s vital to build your brand around something that’s not a dime a dozen — think “forensic accounting in criminal cases” rather than “accounting.” You need to offer something of value to your readers to keep them coming back, so the subject should be informative, helpful or compelling. You need to be professional, so it’s best not to choose a subject that creates political debates or exposes confidential client information. Perhaps most importantly, it needs to be a subject you’re passionate about. For a blog to build your professional reputation, it needs to be updated consistently, and your online “voice” needs to be genuine. This is far, far easier when you have real enthusiasm for your subject.

Once you know what you’re trying to convey, you need a home online. The most effective way to do this is to start a blog, preferably using an easy-to-remember top-level domain name. A blog helps establish you as an “expert” with something of value to share, which is a cornerstone of your personal brand. After all, in order to build a good reputation, you’ll need to offer something to the world. A blog also allows community participation, so you can quickly get to know others in the field who are active online and begin building crucial relationships. A blog that’s updated regularly and run professionally shows the world that you’re dependable and professional, vital traits in any field. And blogging will keep your site at the top of search results, because search engines reward recent updates.

Once you have your blog established, you can start the slow process of joining the community. Enable comments in your own blog (you can manually police spam and disrespectful behavior), and respond when warranted to get a friendly, professional dialogue going. Seek out related blogs and becoming a commenter there, linking back to your blog. You can also do this in appropriate online forums. After you’re established enough to know other bloggers, consider crossposting on one another’s blogs, to get your name in front of readers more directly.

All of these strategies direct human readers to your blog and serve your ultimate goal of building a reputation. They also help keep your blog at the top of search engine results, because search engines reward sites that are linked to often. There are a few other ways to do this, including coordinating your blog and your personal brand with social media, and writing articles at reputable online article sites. See parts II and III, respectively, for more on this.

Finally, put it all together by meeting your online acquaintances in person. Just one look at your face will help online readers remember you better. It can also give potential employers and clients small but important clues about whether they’d like to work with you. This means going to conferences, local business events and other meetups, then networking in a way that’s consistent with your brand. Don’t forget to mention your URL and online activities when appropriate. Just as your online activity supports your offline professional life, your offline professional life can be used to further build your online personal brand.

When things are going their way, they can often be described as enchanting, enigmatic, convincing, and influential. Complications appear when they think that they are being questioned or pressured. A narcissist commonly presents with persistent grandiosity. They must be constantly venerated and they have little to no feelings for the troubles or concerns of others. They have an inflated sense of pride. They exaggerate the importance of their accomplishments and abilities, and they require praise for what they deemto be exceptional individual qualities and achievements. Narcissists are often completely immersed in illusions of success, authority, intelligence, and attractiveness. They feel they are unique or special, and as such, they feel they only equally special individuals are capable of properly grasping and valuing them. Subsequently, they have demanding expectations of others. They think they deserve beneficial treatment and absolute obedience. Furthermore, they tend to use and manipulate relatives, acquaintances, and colleagues, misusing them to procure their own fancies. They are also commonly conceited and supercilious, certain that other people are, or ought to be, jealous of them.

While all narcissists do not exhibit every one of these features, they all display sufficient to make them hard to handle. Egocentric and arrogant, they can be damaging in the office. They take undue credit, shift responsibility, and strike out at anybody who jeopardizes their self-image. However, it is possible to somewhat successfully navigate this complicated individual. First of all, here are a few rules to keep in mind when you must interact with a narcissist, which will minimize the level of difficulty as well as your level of stress.

1. Require and anticipate little. Remember, they are likely to see you as one who is simply there to assist and acknowledge them, therefore, don’t expect your needs to be met. (We will discuss how to go about doing this a little later.)

2. Practice patience, tolerance, and focus. Patience will allow you to hang in there when you feel like dropping out. Tolerance will allow you to ignore their rude, selfish, and haughty ways. And focus will allow you to remember what your goals are in socializing with them.

3. Don’t let yourself become the target. Narcissists have little patience for annoyance or intrusion. Critiquing them can result in what is referred to as narcissistic rage, in which they defend against embarrassment by striking back at whoever caused the injury to ego, and these responses are often cruel and severe.

4. Don’t take their words or actions personally. They fail to see you as a fellow human being with needs and desires, but instead you are merely a tool for enhancing their self-image.

5. Try to have a little sympathy. Although they do a great job at acting as though they are exultant, in all actuality, a narcissist suffers immensely due to the fact that they require endless verification and praise in order to feel good about themselves.

6. If all else fails, smile and stay silent. While this may not earn you any points, it prevents the possibility of confrontation while keeping you in the picture, if your job requires you to be there.

Now, if there is something you want the narcissist to agree to or do, here are a few helpful guidelines that might make it easier to get what you need from them, without letting them know this.

1. Be precise in what you want.

2. Know what the narcissist wants.

3. Persuade them that they will derive something significant from doing what you want. The way to do this is to first determine whether their narcissism is primarily invested in beauty, intelligence, power, or independence. Then begin your request by finding a way to validate the narcissist in this particular area. Admire their appearance, intelligence, display of control, or adherence to principle, and make sure they have heard and accepted the compliment before proceeding with your request. Best of luck!

1. Attempt to ignore them. Do not even respond or react to suggestive remarks or advances. Try to make as little contact as possible. Don’t make it point to say hello or be friendly, for this could project an unintended message.

2. Make sure to keep all verbal and nonverbal interactions strictly professional. Personal conversations will only open doors to further pestering.

3. Reject their ardent suggestions in a polite but unyielding manner. If they ask you out or try to buy you something, tell them “Thank you. But no thank you.” And be unwavering in your refusals.

4. Be aware of your body language. People tend to react to body language, so make sure you are not unconsciously sending mixed signals. And realize that to a pursuer, even innocent gestures can be misinterpreted.

5. Don’t reply to lewd or harassing emails, text messages, or any other form of electronic communication (other than to tell them to leave you alone). This goes along with ignoring them. Instead, you may want to save them in case you ever need evidence of their hounding.

6. Let them know if their behavior or comments have gone too far. Quite often, their intentions are harmless. However, sometimes their actions can cross the line, becoming vulgar or forceful. If this occurs, express your discomfort, and if that doesn’t work, report them!

• Consider keeping a journal of what is happening. Make notes of what is said and done, and include the details (date, time, etc.). Keep any cards, notes, or letters you receive as evidence of the behavior.

Recently, awareness and management of sexual harassment in the workplace has increased. However, gray areas still exist. The fact of the matter is, if it makes anyone who is involved uncomfortable, it’s unacceptable.

Federal law identifies two situations in which one can claim sexual harassment. The first is quid pro quo, which occurs when a person in authority requests sexual favors in return for continued employment or some type of benefit. The second is what is known as a hostile work environment. This occurs when a colleague or supervisor, is involved in unwanted or inappropriate sexual behaviors, thus creating a threatening or offensive work environment. Whatever the case may be, it’s important to your rights and the law, and if you must, make other people aware as well.

1. Stay positive and professional. Don’t let the unfairness of the situation consume you. By doing this, you are giving them the power to control your thoughts and feeling. You also run the risk of becoming involved in office politics, and giving them something to report back to the boss about. Instead, ignore them, or if you can stomach it, be nice to them. Investing your energy into kindness rather than anger will always generate positive benefits (both internal and external).

2. Focus on professionalism. Concentrate on your work, and excelling at the tasks that you are given. By remaining professional in both your words and your actions, you can avoid the drama, while at the same time earning much deserved recognition.

3.  Join forces with other co-workers. There is strength in numbers, and group dynamics can be a powerful tool. A group can be described as two or more individuals that work or cooperate with one another to accomplish a specific and shared goal. This common interest can easily be the vanquishing of a common adversary, which in this case is the pet. By building camaraderie, you are in effect isolating the snitch, thus taking away some of his power. Also, instead of he said – she said, you have created a he said – they said situation, making the pet’s tattletaling strategies relatively useless.

4.  Get involved. Join company boards or employee committees. Provide assistance to colleagues when asked or needed. This can improve your status beyond the scope of your immediate supervisor, and may lead to additional occupational opportunities.

5.  Make friends with your boss. While maintaining your dignity and self-respect, and not stepping on anyone in the process, attempt to connect with your boss. This can have more than one benefit, for not only will you have the chance to show him what you have to offer the company, but if you decide to talk to him about tension being caused by the office tattletale, your words will carry more weight, and possibly cause him to reconsider the status of his golden boy.

And if all else fails (and you’re not ready to look for a new job)…

6. Have fun with the snitch. Give him something to talk about. If you’re sure he will tell the boss, perhaps feed him a false rumor, that when reported will reveal him to be the unreliable character you knew him to be, while at the same time providing a little much needed comic relief.